DEAR MISS MANNERS: I lent my genealogy software to an older relative so that he could update the database at his leisure, with the names of our ancestors of whom I had no knowledge. When he returned it, he laughingly mentioned that he had copied the software for his friends and co-workers so they could build their own family trees.
His actions upset me, mostly because the software carries a serial number and is registered to me. His actions violated federal copyright laws and perhaps I could be held liable.
What would show my displeasure and yet prevent a family feud? GENTLE READER: Family feuds start when one person makes an unpleasant accusation against another. ``I don't want to be involved in your crookedness,'' would be an example.
Relatives are supposed to protect one another. It is therefore quite proper for them to exclaim, ``Good heavens! I'm sure you don't realize it, but that's against the law! I wouldn't want you to get into trouble -- or me, either, for that matter, since my name is on it. Quick -- give me a list of the people you gave it to, and I'll call them and explain that you made a mistake. It's my fault; I should have warned you.''
Note that Miss Manners is ignoring the implication behind that unpleasant laugh of your relative's. She suggests you do the same. DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am serving tea, how should I serve the lemon? Should it be sliced or cut in wedges? Should it be put directly in the cup or handed to the guest on the edge of the saucer? If the former, do I squeeze it or just put it in? Does the guest squeeze it or put it in? Are the lemon slice and cloves removed before drinking? GENTLE READER: Miss Manners has nothing personal against lemon wedges, but they are really not up to going out to tea. They are better off hanging out with fish, who are more their sort.
Tea is served with thin lemon slices, which sink gracefully to the bottom of the cup without making much of an impression. But then tea is so heavy with ceremony one is not supposed to mind.
Part of the ceremony is its gracious preparation by the hostess. Ladies who wouldn't have been able to find their own kitchens have prided themselves on how well they prepare tea from the leaf, using the various pots and instruments brought to them by their butlers. This includes proportioning the tea to the strength preferred by each guest and adding whatever each wants -- sugar, milk or lemon. But it draws the line at squeezing someone else's lemon.
Lemon slices should be placed on a dish near the other tea things. The hostess or the tea drinker can then put a slice directly into the cup, preferably using a dear little lemon fork with splayed tines. DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have visited friends with dogs, taking as a hostess gift a munchie of my own making. These are no ordinary offering, since I admit, with all modesty, to being known as a very good cook.
Each time, my hostess and her family have enjoyed my gift, but have shared it with the dog!
I must say I feel annoyance as pieces of my carefully crafted articles have disappeared into the animal in one gulp. And putting aside my feelings, I can't believe the hot spices, sugar, chocolate or whatever in what I have made could be very good for the dog.
Next time, do I take a gift that the hostess can't possibly share with the dog, such as flowers or wine or a frilly nightgown? Take a beautifully wrapped box of store-bought dog biscuits which the animal can share with his mistress if he wishes? Swallow my pride and smile as the dog devours my goodies? Confine my visits to people who don't own dogs? GENTLE READER: Any of your suggestions would pass the politeness test, but Miss Manners votes for the dog biscuits. She would love to know if these dogs are picking up the hospitable habits of your hostesses.
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